You Were Never the Problem: How Diet Culture Teaches Women to Doubt Their Bodies

Many women carry deep body shame shaped by diet culture, comparison, and years of self-monitoring.
Over time, this creates doubt, disconnection, and mistrust toward the body. But you were never the problem. Your relationship with your body was wounded — not your worth.

Why Most Women Believe Their Bodies Are Wrong 

There is something I see again and again in my work.

Women who are kind.
Intelligent.
Capable.
Strong.

And yet, deeply convinced that there is something wrong with their bodies.

Not because their bodies are broken.
But because they have been taught to believe they are.

I have worked with hundreds of women over the years,
and I can say this with certainty:

I have almost never met a woman whose body was the actual problem.

What was wounded was her relationship to it.

When Body Shame Starts Too Early

A few years ago, one of my daughters came home from kindergarten and said she was ashamed of her belly.

She was four.

Four.

She had already learned that her body could be judged.
That it could be “too much.”
That it could be wrong.

And I remember standing there, feeling something sink in my chest.

Because this is how early it begins.

Not with diets.
With attention.

With comments.
With comparisons.
With subtle messages about what is “good” and what is “not.”

Slowly, the body stops being a place you live.
And becomes something you look at from the outside.

Something to evaluate.
Improve.
Fix.

How Women Are Taught to Disconnect From Their Bodies

From a very young age, many girls learn to:

Monitor themselves.
Adjust themselves.
Shrink themselves.
Perform themselves.

They learn that being “pretty”, “cute” and “nice-looking” matters.
That approval often follows appearance.

And without anyone intending harm, worth becomes linked to looks.

Over time, this creates a quiet disconnection on the inside.

Instead of being in the body,
women learn to manage it.

Instead of listening,
they learn to control.

The Myth of the “Ideal Body”

Every few years, the ideal changes.

- Thinner.
- Curvier.
- More toned.
- Less toned.
- Younger.
- Smoother.
- More “natural.”
- More “perfect.”

It is impossible to win.

Because the ideal was never meant to be reached.

It was meant to be chased.

Less than a small percentage of women naturally fit these standards.
And yet, almost all are encouraged to measure themselves against them.

This is not accidental.
It is profitable.

How the Diet Industry Profits From Body Doubt

When women feel uncomfortable in their bodies,
a market opens.

A market of:

• Rules.
• Plans.
• Programs.
• Fixes.
• Promises.

The underlying message is always the same:

“You are almost good enough.
But not quite.
Try harder.
Try changing a bit more.”

So women try.

They diet.
They restrict.
They restart.
They push.
They exhaust themselves past any limit.

And when it doesn’t work long-term - because biology resists deprivation - then they blame themselves:

“I must be the problem.”

But they are not.

The system is.

What Dieting and Self-Monitoring Do Over Time

Years of dieting and self-monitoring slowly reshape identity.

Many women begin to:

• Distrust hunger.
• Fear fullness.
• Overthink every meal.
• Criticize every reflection.
• Feel unsafe in their own skin.

They spend enormous mental energy managing themselves.

Not living.

Surviving.

Trying to be “better.”

Why This Was Never About Willpower or Discipline

Most women I meet are not undisciplined.

They are exhausted.

They have tried harder than many people ever will.

They have followed rules.
Ignored signals.
Overridden needs.
Sacrificed rest.
Silenced emotions.

This is not weakness.

It is adaptation.

A nervous system trying to stay acceptable.
Safe.
Belonging.

Reclaiming a Safe Relationship With Your Body

Healing does not mean giving up your desire to feel good in your body.

It means changing how you relate to that desire.

It means moving from:

Punishment → Care
Control → Cooperation
Shame → Curiosity
Fear → Safety

It means learning to listen again.
To trust again.
To inhabit your body instead of managing it.

This is what real transformation looks like.

Not becoming someone new.

Coming home.

Why Healing Your Body Relationship Matters

Every woman who heals her relationship with her body changes more than her own life.

She changes the atmosphere and relationships around her.

Her children.
Her friends.
Her colleagues.
Her community.

She becomes a place of safety instead of comparison.
Permission instead of pressure.
Truth instead of perfection.

This is quiet revolution.

And it begins inside.

You Are Allowed to Want More Without Punishing Yourself

You are allowed to want:

More energy.
More vitality.
More ease.
More confidence.

And you do not have to hurt yourself to get there.

You do not have to shrink.
Starve.
Punish.
Override.

There is another way.

One built on respect.
Regulation.
Relationship.
Trust.

Coming Home to Yourself: A Gentle Invitation

If something in this text touched you,
it is not because you are broken.

It is because some part deep inside of you remembers
what it feels like to be at home in yourself.

That part is still there.

And it knows the way back.

If you would like support in this process,
I am here.

Not to fix you.
But to walk beside you as you learn to trust yourself again.

Reach out to me if you want to connect.

Camilla 🌿